I’m so excited, I’ve been featured in a podcast! The host is Chas Young, an amazing business coach for moms. She helps moms build their businesses in just 3hrs a day. Now she invited me to talk about my tips on how to refocus your mind, get yourself ready and motivated to work after having a hard time with kids.
Chas started the conversation by asking about me and my mission. What interested her, when I mentioned it, was my attitude towards dads. I believe both parents should be equally engaged in parenting and housework. Although it had been passed by generations that fathers brought in money and mothers cared for the ‘hearth’, times have changed. Women are successful on the job market and in business and men can be as successful in housekeeping and raising children.
In fact, children do need both parents if that’s possible. What warms my heart is the fact that more and more fathers are conscious of that. They don’t let the outdated assumption dictate them that it is “not cool” to care for the little ones or to be sensitive. Men have exactly the same right to be sensitive and caring as women.
Later I told Chas my story. I explained how my nervous breakdown led me to who I am now. How I realized that my severe anxiety may be a threat to the wellbeing of my family, of my children. That was a turning point for me when I started focusing on my mental health and writing about mental health and self-care for parents on my blog.
I’m not going to tell you all the story here as I really want you to click the link and watch it!
Since self-care turned out to be so important for me as a mom, Chas also asked me about my self-care routine. Before my kids were born I used to spend some precious time in the bathroom every Saturday and did my home spa routine. With kids, it turned out to be impossible to do, so I divided it into three shorter routines (face, body, and feet) and try to do them at least once a week.
Many moms after childbirth feel they aren’t pretty anymore. Also, if we were used to going to work and now we stay at home most days, we usually pay less attention to our looks, while still feeling bad about that. These short home spa routines help me feel that I am still taking care of my looks, of my body, and thanks to that I feel better.
Apart from taking care of myself physically, I also take care of my emotions. The reason for this is that if you are too tired or angry, how are you going to help your kids with a tantrum? It is more and more highlighted nowadays, that you need to appear at your best when your kids are at their worst. Only then can you help them with their big emotions.
So when a situation happens, like a tantrum, explosive anger, crying, or other difficult feelings, we need to let our child know it is OK to have those feelings and that it’s safe to express them. If I get very emotional, angry, or frustrated, I may have a problem to empathise with my kid. I need to sit down and feel my feelings first – realize that I’m angry or frustrated, or just tired (the kid rolling on the floor having a tantrum in the meantime). When you learn it, it takes no time. It’s just a moment of realization “Aha, I’m angry. Hello, anger, I can see you!” Emotions tell us something. Why am I angry?
…Because my kid is having a tantrum…
…because I’m tired and feel helpless…
…because something else has happened during the day that made me worried…
…because the baby is asleep and the noisy toddler may wake her up…
As I realize that, I feel less and less angry. Then after just like one minute, I am ready to look at my kid with more empathy. Then I am ready to help him deal with his big feelings.
How to refocus your mind
After having a difficult day, full of emotions and struggles, it may be hard to quickly switch from thinking “mom” to thinking “business owner”. I never suggest going straight to work. We may think we’ll be able to do more and not waste time, but in fact, we will do less, because our brain won’t be ready to focus. We need to give it some cues to refocus. I utilize three routines, depending on how much time I have.
If I have a whole hour or more, there’s plenty of time to 1) do some yoga, 2) listen to a guided meditation, 3) have a cup of coffee and think about the to-do list for the evening.
If I have about 5-20 mins. I meditate or try to practice mindfulness – feel my feelings (oh, hi, frustration, how was your day? Is joy in? I wanted to tell her how lovely it is that the kids are finally asleep). A cup of coffee helps, too.
If I have a call scheduled and my kids have just only fallen asleep, I still get the coffee (a hug in a mug) and then start the call. At the very beginning I just tell the client how I am feeling (practice mindfulness) and this way I release these emotions in a healthy way. It’s like talking to a friend, you just want them to nod and you already feel better.
At the beginning I wasn’t sure whether it’s a good idea or not. I felt the client may consider this unprofessional. But in fact, this way I appear more real and authentic, and they can relate to my experience as they’re all parents, too!
Why work with me
The last question Chas asked was why should people want to work with me. I help parents find balance in life so they can be present for their kids and find the time for themselves. I help them find their own schedule that works best, show them how to focus on one thing, and realize that some things that they have been already doing are far more valuable than they thought. First and foremost, I help them accept their own emotional needs and forget the mom-guilt or dad-guilt.
All in all
If you haven’t met Chas, yet, make sure to check out her links. She’s an amazing, energetic, and powerful mompreneur and a business coach. Chas has been a business coach since 2016, and has been in business for 20 years. Chas helps busy moms create businesses in 3 hours/day so they have more time to focus on being an awesome mom! Business should be fun. Business should be easy. Chas is married with 2 kids and has lived in Calgary for 16 years. Marketing is her passion but her family is her purpose.